Can't We All Just Get Along?

Everyone has conflict with other people. The only ones who don't are the hermit-folks who don't ever interact with other people. I suppose it's just part of human nature, that struggle and confrontation.

What interests me is how differently we approach those conflicts. There doesn't seem to be a common "human nature" attitude toward fights. Some short-fused fighters react explosively to conflict; some avoidant, unwilling fighters slink away from situations. In my conservative Lutheran family, the standard response to any problem is to pretend it doesn't exist, never ever talk about it, and eventually move on to ignoring some other point of contention. (You can imagine how effectively we all resolve our issues.)

My Amazing Boyfriend and I rarely fight. We sometimes disagree on silly minor things like window treatments or dinner plans, but that kind of issue never escalates to a real conflict. We're both easy-going enough to let little things slide. The last few months, however, have really taken their toll on our bank accounts, our patience, and our easy-going-ness. We're stressed, worried, guilty, afraid, and embarrassed, and we're starting to show it.

I have always considered myself independent of my traditional upbringing -- I left the church, I moved away for college, I'm living with a guy before marriage -- but suddenly I see with shocking clarity how much I am still just like my family. Whenever the nasty M-word ("money") comes up, I shrug, walk away, go to bed... in essence, I run away.

Being aware of it has helped me take steps to fix it. The Amazing Boyfriend and I had a big hugandcryfest last night. (I would have much rather just gone to bed, but I sucked it up.) But it got me thinking – how do other people deal with personal conflict? What do you do to resolve problems with others? How much of it is emotional, how much practical? Any advice you'd like to share on conflict resolution? And, really, wouldn't it be just so much easier if we all just got along?